'Allo 'Allo!: Series 5: Parts 1 & 2

Meet René, the most wanted man in Occupied France. Women want his body. The Resistance want his brain.And the Nazis want his sausage!

In a small café in Nouvion, the harassed proprietor is having a trying war. With the German army in residence in the bar, René is risking his neck to aid the Resistance by hiding two British airmen and a radio transmitter upstairs in his mother-in-law’s bedroom. He is also involved in hiding the priceless painting of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies in a large sausage which even now is being sniffed out by the Gestapo.

But René's real problem is his wife, Edith, and what she will do to him when she finds out about the affairs he is having with his two sexy waitresses.

From outright farce to unsubtle double entendres and mother-in-law jokes, ‘Allo ‘Allo! is humour which easily travels. It mercilessly lampoons every national stereotype, so no one ever takes offence. It has crazy characters and even crazier plots, a wealth of catchphrases and, of course, René – the most improbable French hero since Inspector Clouseau.

Includes all 26 episodes from Series 5.

Series 5
For René, the end of the war just cannot come soon enough. Relying on a camera hidden inside a potato, a long distance duck, and of course, his unparalleled charm, he aids the French Resistance in their outlandish plots to fool the Germans and end the war. But if René doesn’t marry Denise, the leader of the Communist Resistance, it could mean the end of him! With his trusty piano player at his side, René manages to escape a giant circular saw, blast his way into the bank’s vault, and poison the team of Generals. Can René obtain the plans for the German invasion in time to save everyone? Or will the overbearing passion of his female collaborators force him to save himself?
Series 5a
René Artois is a man on the run. Acting as a pawn for the French Resistance, he spends his days running from the Gestapo, the Generals, and naturally, from all of the women who desperately yearn for his affection. But unfortunately for René, he is also running out of time! If he wants to make it out of France alive, he must fake the death of the undertaker, fit a million Francs down Lieutenant Gruber’s trousers, and diffuse a bomb disguised as a Christmas pudding. But will René’s own antics catch up with him when he least expects it? Or is he quick enough to elude his friends and enemies before its too late?

Series 5
Desperate Doings in the Dungeon - There is a plan afoot to micro-photograph Hitler’s invasion plans and to send them off to London. But first, Yvette and Mimi are to distract the Colonel in order that they might obtain the necessary film.

The Camera in the Potato - Gruber rescues René from his cell. Flick orders Helga to collect evidence of supposed plot to blow up Hitler. The plan to steal the Colonel’s film is put into operation at the café.

Dinner with the General - Helga informs the Colonel and Gruber that Flick suspects they are plotting to kill Hitler. René and his staff develop a plan whereby Leclerc can enter Gruber’s room disguised as a fireman to create a diversion so they can blow up the safe.

The Dreaded Circular Saw - During the pandemonium caused by the fire at the chateau, Leclerc breaks into the safe and finds the Fallen Madonna and the van Gogh instead of the invasion plans. He nicks these and escapes disguised as a German.

Otherwise Engaged - René announces to Edith that he will marry the head of the Communist Resistance, Denise, who was his childhood sweetheart. But no man has ever said "No" to Edith before and lived to tell about it. A Marriage of Inconvenience - Rene’s wedding to Denise is on Saturday. Edith plots with Michelle to capture the bride and to stand in her place at the altar. Alphonse still hopes to marry Edith once René is out of the picture.

No Hiding Place - In the aftermath of her wedding day, Denise has escaped and is out for blood. The café is machine gunned. René wisely takes on the disguise of his father and seeks sanctuary from the Colonel.

The Arrival of the Homing Duck - René tells Edith, Yvette and Mimi that Denise is out to get them. Edith is frightened into disguising herself first as her mother and then as Leclerc. Helga reports the whereabouts of the paintings to the Colonel.

Watch the Birdie - Michelle gives René an outfit in which he can conceal the camera so he can take pictures of the invasion plans. Café Rene is doing the catering for the Meeting of the Generals, so the stage is set for photographic intrigue.

René, Under an Assumed Nose - The successful photographic attempt from last week was, after all, unsuccessful. Seems there were not any actual invasion plans on the map which René photographed. Michelle reveals her love for René.

The Confusion of the Generals - Gruber informs von Klinkerhoffen that it was the collaborating French General who blew up Flick and is suspected of trying to poison the other Generals. Rene is reprieved. Michelle tells Yvette she is faking her love for René so he will remain in the Resistance.

Who's for the Vatican - Fearing being blamed for the ten Generals who were sent to the coast, René sets out to brick himself into his cellar. Michelle arrives with a medal for his bravery but also with a suicide pill since he knows too much.

Ribbing the Bonk - The Colonel, Gruber, Bertorelli and Leclerc are held ransom by Denise and the Communists. Michelle learns of the situation and decides this an opportune time to do away with both the Germans and the Communists.

Series 5a
The Reluctant Millionnaires - The stolen money from the bank robbery is hidden in the cuckoo clock. Concerned because her singing is driving away the paying customers, René tries to convince Edith instead to mime to a Jeanette McDonald record.

A Duck for Launch - Flick and von Smallhausen disguise themselves as fish traders to trace his stolen money. Michelle arrives at the café with the microfilm of the invasion plans to attach to the long-distance duck which must leave today.

The Exploding Bedpan - Despite the unsuccessful attempt to launch the long-distance duck, René hopes life can return to normal. But he hasn’t reckoned with the passions of Yvette, Mimi, Denise and now Louise.

Going Like a Bomb - René returns from the hospital to learn from Gruber that Alphonse has been eliminated by an exploding bed pan. Michelle has concocted a new plan to drop Carstairs and Fairfax back into England.

Money to Burn - Helga informs the Colonel that Leclerc will be shot if the stolen money is not returned. So the Colonel sends Gruber to tell René to give back the money which is hidden in the café’s oven. Meanwhile, Fanny decides to bake a potato.

Puddings Can Go Off - Michelle tells René he must hide one thousand kilos of high explosive in the café. The materials will be brought in by Alphonse, Crabtree and "pregnant" resistance girls. The charges will be disguised as Christmas puddings.

Landmines for London - Helga has been spying on von Smallhausen and knows the land mines are in the builder’s yard. When these are removed to the air base, Michelle tells René that the airmen will be smuggled in barrels disguised as beer for the Sergeant’s mess.

Flight to Geneva - René decides to take the paintings and elope to Switzerland with Yvette. But Flick finds out that Hitler does not want the paintings for himself. It’s a trick by von Klinkerhoffen to get them for himself.

Train of Events - René is on the night train to Geneva, and while he is seeking to avoid Edith, he bumps into Mimi, the Colonel and Gruber. René eventually finds Yvette, but the train is then blown up by exploding Christmas puddings.

An Enigma Variation - René hides his gold in the cuckoo clock, then at the Colonel’s order disguises himself and his Resistance friends as a string quartet to play at the Officer’s dance. Flick and von Smallhausen attend the same dance disguised as maids.

Wedding Bloss - René hides the missing paintings in packets of spaghetti. Edith tells René that she is marrying Mssr. Alphonse. Meanwhile, mine detector in hand, von Klinkerhoffen scans the Colonel’s office. He finds no gold, but he does find the Colonel’s toupee.

Down the Drain - Yvette and Edith both question Rene about the whereabouts of the gold, but he is not talking. The Colonel and Gruber search Café René searching for the missing Enigma machine, but all they turn up is Yvette’s new underwear.

All in Disgeese - Michelle calls an emergency meeting. She tells René and the others that two British experts are coming disguised as policemen to examine the Enigma machine. The Colonel is ordered to arrest and execute six most prominent town members if the machine is not returned.

René Artois	---	Gorden Kaye
Edith Artois	---	Carmen Silvera
Yvette Carte-Blanche	---	Vicki Michelle
Mimi Labonq	---	Sue Hodge
Madame Fanny La Fan (Edith's mother)	---	Rose Hill
Michelle (of the Resistance) Dubois	---	Kirsten Cooke
Monsieur Roger Leclerc	---	Derek Royle
Colonel von Strohm	---	Richard Marner
Lieutenant Hubert Grüber	---	Guy Siner
General Erich von Klinkerhoffen	---	Hilary Minster
Private Helga Geerhart	---	Kim Hartman
Herr Otto Flick	---	Richard Gibson
Herr Engelbert von Smallhausen	---	John Louis Mansi
Monsieur Alphonse	---	Kenneth Connor
RAF Flight Lt Fairfax	---	John D Collins
RAF Flight Lt Carstairs	---	Nicholas Frankau
Officer Crabtree	---	Arthur Bostrom
Captain Alberto Bertorelli	---	Gavin Richards
Louise	---	Carole Ashby

Produced and Directed by David Croft
Written by Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft, Paul Adam, John Chapman, Ian Davidson, Ronald Wolfe, Ronald Chesney

'Allo 'Allo! was so popular, it ran longer than the war itself!